Saturday I turned 48 years old. I’m kind of shocked at how old I am. I’m scared that I feel my energy dropping more than I used to. I’ve needed a lot of naps lately. When I was in Texas, by complete coincidence my mother’s eldercare facility allowed them to leave the campus for the first time in a year. She came to be with us at my sister Pattie’s house. She slept a lot. Is this where I’m headed?
Also, I didn’t eat healthfully in Texas and it’s very likely that my drop in energy is from not eating enough fruits and vegetables.
Mentally, don’t we all feel 32 years old still? I do. Like I have an entire life ahead of me, when statistically I’m past the halfway point.
For my birthday I got to choose what movie we watched and so Eric got to see Before Sunset for the first time. He liked it! And I thought about something Ethan Hawke says in it… he says he thinks he would rather be known for being really great at something than having had a loving family.
I still want to be really great at something! I wonder if I’d be happy if I never achieved another thing in my life. But then sometimes I worry that I would be.
Probably another damning thing about all these ruminations is how we each think we are so unique in our lamenting of time and age. As if any of these are new thoughts. And then I find myself at a car dealership buying a Tesla as if it isn’t the most cliché thing in the world.
I go through cycles of malaise and then renewed energy to reinvigorate my life, followed by a plateau, then malaise again. Probably you are similar. Maybe the best we can do is try to get the cycle moving in an upward direction… gradually the roller coaster climbs even though it dips every once in a while. Although that’s maybe not a metaphor we want to follow all the way through.
I’m sorry, I don’t have a lot of original thoughts about the aging process. But I give you advance permission to cut and paste this email to your friends on your next birthday.
Have a good day!
PS: I recently rode in a Tesla for the first time and I would love to buy one.
Avoid: The movie Gigi. Eric and I watched it because we are watching all of the Best Picture winners. It is insanely misogynistic. It literally starts with a song thanking God for little girls, because they feed into a pipeline where they eventually become girlfriends and wives. It’s also really boring and for no reason in the last act characters suddenly change their minds about things with no apparent motivation.
Recommended: I found this list of language tips to be helpful. Although the first tip (replace “sorry” with “thanks) may get you into trouble if applied recklessly: “Thanks I left the stove on while housesitting and your place burned down?”